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I slowly awoke from what I though was a deep sleep. But I hurt everywhere. I was on my back looking up at a strong light and there was activity all around me. I could not focus my eyes, everything looked blurry.
Someone was holding my hand. And I think he was crying. I heard a voice say "You are going to be all right. You have been in a car accident, and you are in the emergency room of City General Hospital." "My God," I thought to my self, "an auto accident? How could that have happened?" The last thing I can remember was, I was driving home with Sean.
He had just graduated from college, and we were coming back from a celebration dinner. Sean was so happy that he could not wait to get to our house so he could see the special present I had bought him for his graduation. I remember Sean was driving and it started to rain hard and we could not see anything through the windshield, and then everything went blank. We must have hit something.
I was thinking, "I wish Sean would come in here and hold my hand." Someone was else was holding my hand, but I could not see who. He was dressed in white and had a nametag on, but I couldn't read it. "I sure wish Sean were here," I was thinking. Then a thought came to me that scared me.
What if Sean was hurt too? "Oh God, no!" I said to myself. "Not Sean, please, no." I continued to hear a lot of activity but it was not around me, it was in the next room. "Maybe Sean is there." I thought. "Good, they are helping him, and he will be all right, too.
Sean was so special to me, and this was his special day that he had worked so hard for. I was going to give him something that would make him so happy. But this damn accident. If I could only get up and check on Sean. But I could not move, and my head and arm hurt so badly. Also, I was bleeding. I could taste the salty taste of blood in my mouth.
"It's not my fault," I kept telling myself. I told him to slow down. When I get up, I'm going to lay down the law to him. "Mister, you drive too fast, and you are going to listen to me." Yes, that's what I'am going to tell him. And then, I will have to give him a big hug.
I wish they would get finished with Sean so he could come in here and comfort me. I heard someone in the other room say "Clear" and then I went to sleep and started to dream.
It was four years ago. I was at my desk at the University news service, and my boss was telling me to do a human-interest story about a freshman on the swim team. I told him I don't generally do sports stories, but he insisted I meet this guy, so I said, "Well, OK."
It would be good to get out of the office. I was handed some background material on the student. His name was Sean Mitchell and he was from out of town.
There was a picture of him at a swim meet. He was wearing a blue Speedo. "A handsome guy," I though to myself. But why a story on him? Well I read a few of the newspaper clippings, and it seems that Sean had been a state champion swimmer for his high school. The story went on to say that Sean was thought to be an Olympic hopeful, and that he had been recruited by a number of universities.
So I guess our university was the lucky winner, I said to myself. I took my notebook with me, along with a small tape recorder, and slid into the front seat of my red Corvette.
I enjoyed the car; it was left to me in my father's will. He loved the car and took care of it like it was a child. I liked the car but not as much as Dad, but it was special to him. And the car became special to me because it reminded me of him.
I drove the short distance to the University Sports Center and pulled into a staff parking spot. I walked into the locker room in search of Sean.
He looked like his picture, but more handsome. He was in the process of getting ready for practice. I introduced myself and told him I was writing a feature story about him, and wanted to talk to him and observe the practice. He was a little reluctant at first, but agreed.
Sean already had removed his shirt and his shoes and socks and was putting them into his locker. I sat down on the bench next to him as he pulled off his T-shirt. He was very well developed and had the classic swimmer's body. Tall, lean, and not an ounce of fat. He turned his back to me as he removed his jeans and white briefs.
I was a professional and had been in locker rooms before and was able to do my job without thinking of a naked body as more than a story. But the look of Sean's bare butt did increase my pulse rate. He pulled on his team Speedo and turned around and faced me.
I tried to act as if it was just another day at the office. But it wasn't.
Sean led me to the pool and I watched his practice. He glided gracefully thought the water, and I sat there and admired his style and his body. His biography listed his age as 20. I was 30. A big age difference when you are Sean's age.
After practice I went back into the locker room to watch him shower. I pretended to be writing notes, but I was watching Sean. Finally he turned and faced me, and I saw his cock. Like the rest of him it was beautiful. Except for the buzz haircut, this blond swimmer had almost no body hair. The water and soap ran off his smooth body like rain off a highly waxed car.
After about ten minutes in the shower, Sean toweled off and got dressed. I just knew I had to spend some more time with him, so I offered to take him out to lunch so I could get some quotes from him for my story.
Sean looked at me with his beautiful green eyes and said he'd go to lunch with me. We walked to the car and I saw his eyes light up.
"Is this your 'Vette, Mr. Anderson?"
"Yes," I answered and told Sean to call me Mark.
"Mark, this is a cool car". I told him I kinda liked it too. I could tell Sean was really into cars and told him he could drive it to the restaurant if he liked.
"You're kidding," he answered.
I assured him he could, and the kid was delighted. So he pulled the expensive sports car out of the parking lot, and, grinning from ear to ear, drove us to the restaurant. Over lunch I got Sean to open up and tell me about himself. He told me he had learned to swim from his dad, and the only facilities he had used to train with were a public park pool and the one at the YMCA. And that getting the swimming scholarship was his only chance of going to college.
He told me his dad died when he was 15, and that he missed him. I asked him if he had a part time job, and he said no. I told him I needed someone to take care of the car, do some yard work and drive me a few places on the weekends, and would he be interested. I told him I would be willing to pay more than most campus jobs, and that I was not a very demanding boss. He said he could start on Saturday.
Saturday morning I drove to the campus and picked up Sean at his dorm. He was on the street and ready to go. I got out of the car and let Sean drive. He displayed the same smile that he had the first time I let him drive.
When we got to my house I told him the front and back yards need to be mowed, and then the car needed to be washed and waxed.
Sean was wearing cut off blue jeans, a white T-shirt and tennis shoes. After he was mowing the lawn for a while, the T-shirt came off. I looked out my window at this beautiful young man cutting my grass.
When the yard work was done he hooked up the water hose and removed his cut offs and washed the car in his Speedos. I must admit I lusted after the young man, but respected him too much to do anything about it.
In the weeks that followed Sean spent more and more time at my house and looked to me for advice. I was becoming a father figure to him. A few times he called me Dad and didn't realize it.
Shortly after Sean turned 21, he called me and told me he needed to have a talk with me. By now our relationship had become more like that of brothers as Sean started to show greater signs of maturity. A role I was more comfortable in.
We drove out of the city and to a beautiful place by a lake. I asked Sean what was bothering him. He was quiet for a long time and then said, "Mark, I think I am gay."
I asked him why he thought so, and he told me he had a crush on another guy on the swim team. I told Sean not to worry about it, but he looked up at me and I knew I had to give him a better answer. I told Sean that I knew he felt alone, and that I had felt the same way when I was his age.
"But how could you, Mark, you're not gay," Sean said.
"Yes, I am, Sean." Sean came over and hugged me. And we felt very close because we had shared our secret thoughts together. As it turned out, Sean found out the guy he had a crush on was straight, and he told me how sad he felt inside when he saw his friend with a girl.
I woke up again on the exam table and wanted the accident to be a dream, but it wasn't. My vision was returning. I looked at the man holding my hand and recognized him, but was not sure who he was. I could read something on the nametag. It said Larry something RN.
I said "Larry, how is Sean?" and there was no answer. I looked up at him and could see his eyes were red and tears were trying to escape them. Larry held my hand tightly and told me I would be all right. But it was not me that I was concerned about; it was Sean, the love of my life.
Finally the doctor came in and put his hand on my shoulder. I knew it was going to be bad news, but I just hoped I was wrong. Maybe he will say Sean's swimming career is over, and Sean and I will both have a long cry about it, but life will go on.
The doctor looked at me and said "Mr. Anderson... Mark... you have been in a bad automobile accident, and you probably have a broken right arm and most likely suffered a concussion. We will know more after our x-ray studies are completed."
"Sean was in very serious condition when he arrived at the ER. He had multiple injuries and was unconscious. He regained consciousness briefly, and he was able to say a few things to me. He went into cardiac arrest three times, and we were able to restart his heart twice. We gave him CPR for over an hour. We did everything possible to save his life... but Mark, Sean died a few minutes ago. I am deeply sorry about your loss".
I told the doctor that it was impossible. Sean was only 24 years old; he can't be dead. The doctor said he was going to give me something for my pain, but there was no drug for the kind of pain I was experiencing.
I drifted off to sleep again and remembered how excited Sean was when he fell in love for the first time. He told me all about it. The guy was Sean's age and a member of the soccer team. I was happy for Sean and let him use the 'Vette to go on dates.
He told me about the first time he had sex with the soccer player, and he described it as the best feeling in the world. I envied Sean. I envied the soccer player. But I did not say anything about that to Sean. And then, six months later, Sean asked to see me about something important. I told him to come right over.
When I saw him I had a pretty good idea what had happened. He had been crying and looked terrible. The first thing he did was to hug me and say "Oh Mark, I feel so bad."
He explained that the soccer player found someone else and had rather abruptly dumped him. My friend was heartbroken. He said he was going to quite the swim team, leave school, and get as far away from here as possible.
He said, "Nobody loves me, Mark".
I hugged Sean and said, "I do, Sean."
Sean looked into my eyes and said, "I love you, too, Mark, but I was afraid to say it because I always thought you thought of me as a kid." I told Sean that we both had matured over the past couple of years, and I no longer felt he was a kid. I kissed him on the cheek and we hugged each other.
Later that night, Sean and I had sex together. I had waited two years. The experience was so beautiful that I almost cried. He was such a beautiful man, both in body and mind. I enjoyed his company so much. I felt my life was finally complete.
Sean continued to break new swimming records, and I was his biggest fan. He still lived on campus but stayed at my house most of the time. And then I no longer called it my house... I called it our house.
It was so great to have someone to share with. I went to all his swim meets. I helped him with his homework, and we went on long drives together.
For his 23rd birthday, I took him to Key West for 10 days. It was the best vacation either of us had ever been on. We stayed up late every night and slept until noon every day. We enjoyed each other's company the whole time, and a cross word was never exchanged between us. We had great sex every day, but it was the simple pleasures of hugs, cuddling and holding hands that bonded us together.
Sean was my best friend and the perfect lover. His senior year in college was so special to both him and me. He was starting to gain some of the recognition for his swimming that he deserved. Sport Illustrated did a story on Sean; all the local television stations came to interview him, and his coach and I were so proud of him.
When I asked him what he wanted for a graduation present, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I have all I want now." I told him I had something very special planned for him, and he tried to get me to give him a hint on what is was. I told him no, it was going to be a surprise for graduation night.
When I awoke the next time, I had been moved from the ER to a patient room. The expression that they used was, that I was there "for observation." My physical pain was lessening, but my emotional pain grew worse by the minute.
The only one who seemed to know how I felt, was the nurse from the ER. He came to visit with me several times a day. And after his shift, he came to my room and comforted me. I could not even attend Sean's funeral because it was out of state, and I was not able to leave the hospital.
I asked Larry if he had been with Sean when he died, and he nodded yes. Larry said that before Sean died, he told the doctor to tell Mark he was sorry, and that he loved him. Larry and I both cried and hugged each other.
Going home was even harder. Three days after the accident, Larry drove me home. I looked around the house and every where I looked, there was something of Sean's. His laundry was piled on the washer. A team sweatshirt was on the couch. His trophies were in the living room. I broke down and cried again, and Larry hugged me.
Larry had been so good to me; I could not have got along with out him. At the end of the week, I asked Larry if he would drive me to the garage where they took the car after the accident. Larry begged me not to, but I had to see the 'Vette and get something out of the trunk.
We went the next day. It was overcast, raining slightly and a gloomy day. We got there, and when I saw the remains of the 'Vette, I started to cry again. What had been a beautiful car was now a twisted, flattened piece of metal. The garage manager had to use a crowbar to open the trunk. In it were the two graduation presents for Sean. Two small jewelry boxes.
I took then home and showed them to Larry. I showed him the first box, which contained a Gold key, and the card read "To Sean, from Mark and Mark's Dad - Something special to a special person." They key was to the Corvette.
The 'Vette was one of the graduation presents. The second box contained a simple gold ring and its card read, "To Sean, my reason for living - may you be my partner for eternity."
It's been six months since the accident. I'm wearing one of Sean's sweatshirts, and Larry is going to visit later today. We see each other every day, and are becoming very close.
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