Jimmy and I had decided that we had to tell Mom and that we had to tell her before Christmas. On the day after Christmas the rest of the family would be rolling in and there might never be another chance to talk to her alone. She was probably going to be upset and cry and we didn't know for how long. We wanted her to have the time to recover her composure. Also, if she was upset enough to kick us out, we would need to find a place to stay for the rest of the vacation. We just didn't know what to expect. She was Mom. She loved us. We loved her. But none of us had ever done this before. Today you can find step by step instructions for coming out. There were no "how to" books then...no "Coming Out for Dummies." I'm not even sure I knew I was "coming out". I was out before I had ever heard of going in. It was all very confusing. Jimmy decided he'd go first since he was older. If she took his being gay okay, then I'd chime in. If she didn't, well, I guess I just might never tell her. I'd go on a long sea voyage and never be heard from again. People would talk about poor little Willie and how he never should have started out for Tahiti in that little boat. Jimmy said that I was her baby and her favorite and finding out that I was gay just might kill her. It was breakfast. I was sick to my stomach. I was having trouble just drinking my coffee.

"Not hungry today, Willie?"

"No, Mom."

"You're not getting the flu are you?"

"No, Mom."

"Millie Gooch said that Brenda came home early from college because she got a bad case of the flu."

"I don't have the flu, Mom."

"Brenda's got new breasts, you know."

"I know, Mom." And I did, too. Brenda had gone from about half an A cup to about a triple D. She must have had half the silicone in Iowa right there on her chest. I bet they were still ugly though. Big and ugly. Ole Brenda with big tits. If I was really careful, I might never have to see them.

"I don't know why Millie would let her do that. It's dangerous and Brenda was nice looking just the way she was."

I choked on my coffee. No, really. I'd seen that in movies and on television, and always thought it would never happen in real life, but I choked on my coffee and it came out my nose. It was hot.

"Shame on you, Willie."

"All I did was choke, Mom."

"I know why you choked, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

I reached for the towel to dry my nose. It felt like when you're in the pool and get water in your nose. It had that kind of back in your head ache. Jimmy came in and gave me a strange look. I guess it was because I had a towel over my nose and coffee down the front of my shirt. He looked tense. It looked like he was going to go through with it. In a way I didn't want him to, but I knew he had to. Dan was laying low upstairs.

"Mom, sit down please. We need to talk."

"Oh dear. That sounds serious. Just let me get this bacon off the stove. Is Dan coming down for breakfast?"

"Not right away."

"Well, I'll save some bacon for him. He can have an egg later."

Mom served Jimmy bacon and eggs and sat down at the table with her coffee. I had a feeling those eggs were going to get very cold.

"Go ahead, Jimmy. I'm listening."

"Mom, I'm gay."

"I know you are, dear. Now, don't let your eggs get cold. You know how you like them runny." She took a drink of her coffee. Jimmy and I locked eyes for a brief second.

"Mom, I said I'm gay."

"I know you did, Jimmy, and I said that I knew you were homosexual. I've known for awhile now. I'm not real happy about it, but it's your life."

"How long have you known?"

"Oh, I don't know, awhile."

"How did you know?"

"Oh, Jimmy, I raised you sweetheart. I'm your mother. A mother knows (She paused.) things. I might not have known you were a homosexual exactly, but...."

"It's gay, Mom."

"Gay. I'll try to use that term, but, I'm an old woman, and gay has always meant happy to me. I never liked queer. So, homosexual was always my word of choice. Fairy was okay, I guess, but I could never figure out why someone would call any man a fairy. It didn't make..."

"Okay, Mom. Just say gay, okay? Now, how did you know?"

"You were different, Jimmy. You were kinder in some way. That's not to say that you weren't all boy. You were as rough and tumble as the rest of them. Still, you were different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Your dad said I was crazy and not to worry. So I didn't worry, exactly, but I did notice. Then, when you never dated...."

"I dated."

"You dated twice, Jimmy. You took Sarah Miner to the Christmas dance, and you took Junie Glass to the prom."

"Well, I dated."

"It was about then that I think I knew without knowing in some way. I guess I didn't really admit it to myself until Dan came."

"Until Dan came?"

"Jimmy, honey, you have sex with the man every night. What did you think I thought you were doing in there, playing Scrabble?"

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew. You know that creaky old board in front of my door...the one that always got you boys in trouble when you tried to sneak out at night? Dan steps on it every single night on his way to your room. I knew what you were doing. Then there were the sounds."

"The sounds?"

"You two are not real quiet when you're.... I knew. You and Tab Hunter there were a serious couple."

"And you didn't care."

"Of course I cared, Jimmy, but you're a grown man. You're 30 years old. If you had brought home a wife, I wouldn't have thought anything of it."

"But, what about hell, Mom?"

"What about hell?"

"Don't you think I'm going there?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you're not. The church is not God, Jimmy. Besides, I'm not even sure there is a hell. God looks at the heart, Jimmy. Your heart is beautiful. You're not going to hell. God would never send a heart like yours to hell. Now go call Dan for breakfast. He must be dying to hear how I took the news."

That went well. Well, I think it went well. I almost wished that Mom had been a little more upset. It was disappointing in some weird sort of way that she hadn't cried or anything. Now it was my turn. I wanted to run out the door and just keep running, but I knew I had to do it and I had to do it now.

"Wait, Jimmy, before you get Dan. Mom, uh...(out with it, Willie) uh, I'm gay too." Mom took a long, slow drink of coffee. Then she raised her head and stared at me for a second.

"Are you all gay?"

"What?"

"All of you...are all of my boys gay? Are Ben and Bobby and Tim out there in the living room just waiting their turns to come in here and tell me they're gay? Well, go get them. I'm ready. C'mon in boys, the party's just beginning. We're having a gay party out here in the kitchen." Mom had flipped. I had to do something.

"Mom, Tim and Bobby have kids. They can't be gay."

"Well, you can have kids and be gay, can't you? Being gay doesn't stop you from having kids, does it?" She began to cry. I just went over to her and held her.

"Oh, Mom, I'm so sorry." Jimmy and I were crying too. We knew what we had done to her. Finally she looked up.

"It's not that I care, really. I love you both so very much. Nothing could ever change that. I just wanted so much for you. I wanted a family and children and Christmases with you all coming home. I wanted that for you both. This life will be so hard for you. I just don't know what to think."

Jimmy said, "It'll be okay, Mom. Jimmy and I have both already found someone to love."

"You have, Willie? You're in love?"

"Yeah, Mom. His name is Tom. He's beautiful. I want you to meet him. He's really wonderful. You're going to love him too."

"As long as you do, Willie. I'll love him if you do."

She slowly got up from the table and hugged and kissed us both. She looked so tired and sad. We would never talk of it again. It was. That's all, and that was enough for her. But from that day on, Dan and Tom were considered to be family. She had never met Tom, but if I loved him, that was good enough for her.

"Now, go get Tab Hunter. His eggs are getting cold."

There was a lot to be done before Christmas. Mom couldn't do it by herself, so we all pitched in, yes even Dan when he and Jimmy weren't playing Scrabble. Jimmy and I really felt that we should make this Christmas season as easy on Mom as possible. We wanted to make up for the agony we had caused her, and working ourselves to death seemed to be a good way. The house sparkled. Dan turned out to be quite the handy man, and I even bought some lights and put them up outside. The place really did look like Christmas.

We decided to celebrate our Christmas on Christmas Eve. The others would start arriving during Christmas Day, so it would certainly not be a day of rest for us. We hadn't seen some of the family for a long time and there would be all of that hugging and kissing and tossing kids around and tickling. It would be happy exhaustion for several days. Jimmy and I decided not to tell anyone else about being gay. We had had enough honesty for one season. The others would just have to wait for the news. Dan would suddenly be a business friend who had no family and nowhere to go for Christmas. He would be a nice guy and volunteer to sleep in Jimmy's room when the family arrived to make room for someone else. What a great guy!

Our gifts were not lavish, but were thoughtful, and sitting by the tree drinking eggnog was very relaxing. We didn't go so far as to stand around the piano singing carols, but we did have some carols playing in the background. And besides, we didn't have a piano. About eleven o'clock we all turned in for the night. I didn't have visions of sugar plums dancing in my head, but the visions that were dancing there were really cute, and I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I did have a little trouble going to sleep because the Scrabble game was a little noisy that night.

About two in the morning there was a knock on my door. I figured it wasn't Santa Claus, so I got up to see what was going on. It was Jimmy. He said that he had heard a noise downstairs and would I go make sure everything was all right, as he and Dan had a little Christmas cheer to finish up in his bedroom. I thought it was a strange request, but it was Christmas, so I said sure. Then he said something really strange. He said, "Don't worry, Mom knows." Then he went back to his room being very careful not to step on the squeaky board.

As I started down the stairs, I noticed that the tree lights were on. I was sure I had turned them off on my way to bed. Maybe there really was something going on. Maybe I should go back and get Jimmy. No, that was silly. I would venture on alone. I always loved the way the living room looked with just the Christmas tree lights on. The colored lights (We didn't have those awful little clear things yet.) gave the room both a warm and a magical feeling. I never got tired of it. Even if there was nothing there, I decided that I would just sit and look at the tree for awhile.

As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I couldn't believe my eyes. There was someone under the tree. I stopped dead in my tracks. It wasn't moving. Maybe it was one of those blow up dolls or maybe Jimmy had made a dummy to scare me. He would stop at nothing to play a joke. He and Dan were probably in the kitchen laughing their asses off. I would get even. That gave me quite a scare. I moved closer to the tree to get a better look. No, that was no dummy. That was...Tom!!! Tom was laying under the tree with nothing on but a Santa Claus hat and he had a huge red bow tied around his dick! I couldn't believe it. And he was pretending to be asleep. Talk about a surprise. Well, you know me. Yep, I cried. Well, I didn't really cry, but tears were rolling down my cheek. I loved the big creep you know. The red bow was hysterical.

I know it must have been the plan that I would scream and run to him and kiss him and all of that stuff, but I didn't want to. Tom naked under the tree with those lights.... That was something I wanted to remember for a long time, so I just quietly sat down on the couch and looked at him. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I hadn't really forgotten how beautiful he was, but remembering and seeing are very different. Every single part of that boy was perfect, and I was surprised that it wasn't just the dick that turned me on. It was all of him. It was all of my perfect lover laying there. He was my Sleeping Beauty, only this time it wasn't a prick that put him to sleep, but it sure as hell was gonna be one that woke him up!

His eyes were still closed. I slowly removed my pajamas (Yes, I slept that way at home. Deal with it.), and walked over to the tree. Then I knelt down beside him and slowly put my nose down to his chest. I know it sounds silly, but I had missed the smell of him so much, I just had to drink it in before I did anything else. Then, I brushed my lips lightly against his. It wasn't a kiss. This was reality and fantasy all rolled up into one, and kissing right then would have ruined it. Just brushing his lips was what I needed to do. He didn't open his eyes, but sighed and smiled, and I could hear the red bow rustling behind me. I didn't want it to end. To touch him would be to break the spell, but my dick was so hard and I missed him so much.

So I kissed his eyes, and as I kissed each one he opened it. When I looked into his eyes, it was all over. I had to hold and be held. He reached up and took me in his arms and pulled me down to him. We said nothing, but we lay there just feeling our body warmth and enjoying the closeness. Then we kissed. This was no brushing of the lips. This was a deep passionate, tongue-thrusting, dick-rubbing I'll never let you go kiss. It went on forever. I was silently crying and laughing and rolling all at the same time. I had never felt such complete joy in my life. We damn near knocked the tree over and had to stifle a laugh.

"Oh, god, Tommy, I've missed you. Oh, god, baby. Oh, shit. Hold me baby. Hold me."

Then it was more kissing and more rolling. Then we had to come up for air. We just sat and looked at one another. Our eyes were locked and so were our souls. At that moment I knew that this was much more than just talking about loving. I loved this man more than life itself and if I could have climbed inside of him at that moment I would have. There was no way to get close enough to him. It was then that Tom said one beautiful sentimental sentence that will always mean the world to me.

"Are you gonna suck my dick, or what?"

I pushed him gently back to the floor and proceeded to remove his lovely red bow with my teeth. It was a good thing too, because he was so hard and the bow was so tight that the top of his dick was turning purple. Oh, it tasted good. This was my favorite flavor: Tom. That dick was heaven. Up and down I went. There was no form of sucking to be left out. I sucked the head until he grabbed my ears and made me stop. I went up the sides and down the back and was finally, for the first time, able to get all of that baby down my throat. And then, there they were: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. I heard myself say, "Hello, boys." And then I was down there under his dick showing them just how much I had missed them.

By this time, Tom could wait no longer and had started to 69 me. With apologies to the "boys", I had to stop for awhile and just enjoy the tongue and teeth escapades of my boy Tommy. I had forgotten how truly good a dick could feel. My, my, how that boy could work a pee pee. Chills went up and down my spine as fingers went in and out my ass. I was moaning and groaning and promising things that no man should ever promise another out loud. Oh yes, Tommy! Keep sucking, baby.

Then it was another round of kissing and rolling and silent laughter and tears of joy and, well, you get the picture. Then Tom whispered in my ear that he had a special gift for me. When I asked him what, he put a tube of lube in my hand, kissed me, rolled over. I couldn't believe it. Tom had decided that no one, no matter who and no matter where, would ever, ever fuck him. It just wasn't going to happen. I didn't care. I was a bottom and enjoyed being a bottom. I must confess that I had wondered what it would feel like to be inside my lover, but I had listened to what he had said. Now here he was offering himself to me.

"Are you sure?" I whispered.

"Don't you want to?"

"Oh, Tommy, I don't know, you...."

"Just do it, Ace. I love you, and until you do it, something about our love won't be complete. Just do it. Only be easy, and make it all about love."

And I did. I had rimmed Tom and played around there before, but now it had to be different. I was an expert at taking it, so I knew exactly how it should be done. It would be slow and loving. I started with rubbing lube into his ass crack. I was getting so turned on I could hardly stand it. Apparently he was too, because the moaning was sweet. Then, I began working a finger slowly in and out. If he flinched or made the wrong kind of sound, I backed off for a second and then slowly started back up again. Then I did the same thing with two fingers and then carefully with three. I knew there was some discomfort there, but it was his first time. A little discomfort was to be expected. This was an amazing amount of love on both our parts.

Now he was ready. I turned him over and looked into his eyes.

"Are you sure? You don't have to do this."

"I'm sure, Ace. I need to feel you in me. I want to feel you all the way inside me."

I kissed him again and he turned back over. Then I began rubbing my dick up and down his ass crack. The pre-cum was dripping off my dick. I was so turned on. Now it was time. Slowly I started in. Just the tip of my dick touched his love hole. The electricity that shot through me was unbelievable. We both gasped it was so intense, like two electric wires suddenly coming together. Then, I slowly, very slowly, pushed my way in. Just the head of my dick was in, but it was wonderful. I was in my lover for the first time. I gripped him tight and heard him say, "That's it, Ace. Fuck me, baby." And I did. Very slowly I worked my dick inside him moving in and out as I worked it. As I got deeper and deeper, I couldn't believe the feeling of his hot insides, sweet and tight around my dick. This was my first fuck, and it was fucking wonderful. When I was all the way in, we stopped.

"That's it Ace. I feel you in there, baby. I love you, baby. You can stay there forever."

And then the fucking began. Slowly I started moving. To my surprise, Tom moved with me. This part had to be uncomfortable for him, but I'm sure he wanted it to be good for me. I knew though what was coming for him, too. Faster and faster we went. It was so good. I was so in love. Tom started to make moaning noises. He was starting to enjoy it. And I let loose. If this was to be the only time, this would be the fuck of a lifetime. On and on we went, faster and faster. We must have fucked for days. The orgasm began to build slowly in me.

"Are you feeling it, Tommy?"

"Yeah, Ace. Let's go. Show time!"

And it was. Faster and faster and harder and harder and faster and faster and faster and my eyes rolled to the back of my head and my body stiffened and I plunged my dick into him as far as it would go and shot round after round of beautiful sperm up my lover's ass. As I did, I felt him stiffen too and his body shook as I shot inside him. We stayed in that position for as long as we could, neither one of us wanting to break the spell. Then we collapsed onto the floor, and I put my cheek on his back and held him as tight as I possibly could until my dick got completely soft.

We held each other on the floor beside the tree for about another hour that night and then I led Tom up to the stairs to my room. It was the best Christmas present I had ever had, and, oops. I heard the floor board creak as we tip-toed past my mom's bedroom door.