I knew that old married couples often drifted apart, and I knew that it was just as true for gays as it was for heterosexuals. The image of the old man with prostate problems and the old woman with hot flashes didn't seem that far off to me. Tom and I had been together for twenty years. We were both 40, not old, but old enough to be worried about getting old. I don't think we were ready for a mid-life crisis, but if one had turned up here or there, we wouldn't have been surprised.

Tom and I had been college roommates. We hit it off right away. It's strange the way that can happen. The college, not being real original, had put the students in rooms alphabetically. Tom was Anders and I was Anderson. I liked him right away. He was about six feet tall, dark, but with blue eyes. There's something about blue eyes looking out through a dark complexion. I don't know what it is. I guess part of it is the surprise of blue where you think brown is supposed to be. Anyway, that's what I remember most about my first look at Tom, those blue eyes, that black hair, and those white teeth. The smile was so sincere and so friendly that any fears I had about who my roommate might be disappeared the minute he flashed those teeth.

"Hi, I'm Tom," He said.

"Bill," I answered.

Really my family called me Wee Willie, but there was no way I was going to say, "Bill, but my friends call me Wee Willie." Don't get the wrong idea about the name. I'm okay in that area. I got the name because I was the youngest of five brothers, and about 10 years younger than my next brother up the ladder, so, everyone just started calling me Wee Willie. I didn't mind really. My brothers took care of me and the tone in their voices when they called me that let me know that I was totally loved and cared for. Now that I was older, however, any time anyone called me Wee Willie, I turned redder than a ripe apple. I can't hide it. I'm about as blonde as you can get. When I had a lot of it, my hair was almost platinum. I was a looker. I'll have to admit that.

"Freshman?" he asked.

"Doesn't it show?" I answered.

He laughed. "Yeah, I guess it does on me too. Which bunk you want? I don't mind the upper if you'd rather have the lower."

"Lower's fine," I said.

Well, our conversation didn't get much more interesting than that during the whole first day. I found out that Tom, in spite of his good looks, was really very quiet and very studious. He was going to be a lawyer. I, on the other hand, was going to be...something. I knew I would be a great something. I just didn't know what that was going to be yet, so I planned to take general courses until the inspiration hit me.

For a while Tom and I were the perfect roommates. Our schedules were very different, so we really didn't see that much of each other. Tom was a little neater than I was, so I made a real effort at keeping my stuff in order and my dirty clothes out of the middle of the room. At home my room had looked like a dirty underwear depository, but I was busy, and my mother needed something to yell at me about. But here, I didn't want to take a chance at pissing off my new roommate. Besides, I was pretty considerate of other people and Tom did his best to always be considerate of me. We had different sets of friends. Tom's friends tended to meet at the library, while mine tended to meet at the campus center or to go off-campus for a beer. Okay, my schedule was pretty easy, but I did get my work done and got pretty decent grades.

Things were going along real well, I thought. Yeah, I knew that Tom was good looking, and I knew the girls were after him. I was a little jealous, but not much. They were after me too. But I caved in more than Tom did. It was an unusual weekend when I didn't have a date, but Tom's dates were few and far between. I felt guilty because Tom studied on Saturday nights and I just tried to get into a pair of lace panties. I knew I would pay for that at the end of the semester. It kind of snuck up on me. Neither Tom nor I was very modest. The showers were down the hall, and we'd shed our clothes and wrap a towel around our waists, grab the soap and head on out. He was a guy. I'd seen a hundred of them. We all had the same equipment. But gradually I started to notice his. First it was his ass. He had a nice firm ass. It was little, one of those asses that kind of just appear out of the top of the legs, but it was nice. I didn't think much about it. So he had a nice ass. So did I. Then it was his chest. He didn't work out, but he had one of those naturally muscular chests, just right. There was a little bit of hair in the center, but that was all. Otherwise he was completely smooth. I was just being aware of my surroundings, I thought.

It was when I started noticing his dick that I got worried. He had one of those floppy dicks that is long enough to hang down over the balls when it's soft. I mean way down over the balls. I could just imagine how big that baby must have been hard. That's what worried me; I could just imagine how big that baby must have been hard. I had never wondered that about a guy before. Then I got embarrassed about noticing another guy's equipment. And because I was embarrassed about looking at Tom, I started to cover myself up. Instead of walking around the room naked, I made sure I had on underwear or a robe. If Tom noticed, he didn't say anything. I mean, it was a sure bet that even if he had noticed, he wouldn't have said anything.

Then it happened, I stared getting boners. Talk about being scared, I was frantic. Every time I saw Tom naked, especially if he was bent over, I popped a boner. "What is going on?" I thought. "Who has gained control of your dick?" I lay awake at night wondering what was happening. Then the most unbelievable thing happened. I had a "Playboy" under my mattress that I used it to beat off with. Miss September was a particular favorite of mine. Suddenly those girls didn't do anything for me! I'd look at them. I'd rub my dick. But I couldn't get it up! Visions of a naked Tom would appear in my mind instead...and my dick got hard. Holy shit! Was I gay? I had to find out. I needed to find out. So one day, I deliberately brought up a vision of Tom and his naked ass and his long dick in my mind. Then, I did the same thing I usually did with Miss September.... I started to rub. Slowly my dick began to rise. It got harder and harder, while I just kept thinking more and more about Tom and that ass and that long, long dick. Finally, I just had to let it go. My hand moved up and down in a beating frenzy. I cried out. Oooooooh shit! It was the shot that rocked my world. It went on and on. My balls sang the Hallelujah Chorus!

I was gay. Shit.

So, what was I going to do? Maybe I really wasn't gay. Maybe this was just a fluke. Maybe it was just a thing I had for Tom and not for anyone else. Maybe it was a virus and I would get over it. Nope. I started to notice other guys, other asses. I started undressing other guys with my eyes. I started to wonder what it would be like to touch this one or to hold that one. I hadn't had any thoughts about sucking or fucking yet, but I would get there. I knew that. I was gay.

I went into a deep funk. I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't go to class. When no one was around, I cried. I just didn't know what I was going to do. One afternoon I was lying on my bunk with my back to the door, and, as usual I was crying. This was a really good cry and I was sobbing out loud. I didn't hear the door open.

"What the hell?

It was Tom.

"All right, Bill. That's enough. I've waited long enough. I've tried to stay out of this. I figured that we're just roommates and I have no right to get into your business. But, damn it, Bill, I can't watch this happen and not try to help. What the hell is going on? You don't study. You don't eat. You hardly get out of bed. I've thought about calling your parents, but I knew you would be furious. You tell me right now what's going on or that's exactly what I'm going to do."

I had no energy left. I thought, "What the hell, I might as well get it over with." So I rolled over and I told him.

"I'm gay."

"You're what?"

"I'm gay."

"Holy shit."

Tom just got a strange, shocked look on his face and sat down in the chair. I was too exhausted to care what he thought. It was just a relief to finally say it out loud. The room was silent for about five minutes.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly.

"I think so," I answered.

"You think so? You don't know?" He became more agitated. "You give up life and go to bed over something and you don't know? You think so?"

He calmed himself down, stood up, and then spoke in a much softer tone.

"Why do you think so?" He stood there just looking at me, not unkindly.

I started to cry, because I knew what I was about to say would change my life forever. "Because...because I'm in love with you." Whoa! What was that? What did I say? That's not what I was supposed to say. I was supposed to say because I wanted to have sex with guys. In love with Tom? Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense. I hadn't known it myself until I heard myself say it. What a revelation. Not only was I gay, I was in love...with Tom. I was devastated, amazed, ecstatic.... overcome with every possible emotion at the same time. I couldn't control myself. I just put my head down on the pillow and cried and cried and cried. It felt so good just to get it all out. I knew it would be awful later, but right now, the relief was unbelievable. I was gay and I was in love with Tom.

Tom just stood there and let me cry. He didn't move. He didn't speak. He just watched. Then the most amazing thing happened. He walked over to my bed, knelt down, took my head in his hands, and kissed me gently on the lips. I nearly passed out. I didn't know what to think. I didn't think. I stopped crying for about a minute, and then I started crying again, harder, for entirely different reasons. I was making a fool of myself, but it didn't matter. I was in love and Tom had just kissed me...ON THE LIPS!

I watched now as Tom began to slowly undress, not in a sexy way, but in an unhurried and deliberate way. I knew what he was going to do. I knew I wanted him to do it. But I was scared to death.

When he was completely nude, he walked over to the bed and slowly pulled back the covers. I was naked. He smiled. We had seen each other naked dozens of times, but now it was different. I can't explain it exactly, but all of those naked parts took on a different meaning. They were all charged. They weren't just parts of a body, they were parts of him, wonderful parts of my lover, means of expressing love...and, I would learn, ways to take one another to sexual heights never dreamed of.

He knelt by my bedside, took my hand and kissed it gently and then held the fingers to his mouth, as if to taste their essence. It was the sexiest thing anyone had ever done to me. I sighed. I was his. I relaxed. Whatever was to happen, he was in control. I would remember this moment forever. There were to be no more preliminaries. I was already good and hard with pre-com oozing out of the tip of my penis. He stuck his tongue there and tasted. A soft moan came from deep within. Then he took me to heaven. He swirled his tongue around the head of my penis slowly, while he cupped my balls with his hand, moving his fingers gently. Then he slowly engulfed my entire dick. I had never felt anything like it. I think I screamed, but I can't be sure. I don't know what I did. My whole body was a sex organ. Every part of me tingled. He could never stop. And he didn't. Slowly his mouth moved up and down my dick, always stopping at the top to work the head with his tongue. Then, when I thought he could take me no higher, I felt him start to lick his way down the side of my penis. Down, down he went until he reached my balls.

"Don't, don't, don't do it." I moaned. "I won't be able to stand it. Please don't."

But he did. He took each ball into his mouth and sucked it gently, rolling it around inside. At the same time, he found my ass crack with his finger and began gently rubbing it up and down. His other hand reached for my dick and started gently jacking. My moaning was uncontrollable. With my balls in his hot mouth, his finger on my ass, his hand jacking my dick faster and faster, I started a low moan that was working into a guttural scream. I could hold back no longer. Tom seemed to sense this and right before I came, his mouth suddenly found my cock again, deep throating me as I spewed my seed over and over and over into his wonderful mouth.

I was completely spent...exhausted. All of the horrible anxiety of the last few weeks had in a moment been transformed into the most wonderful feelings I could ever imagine. I didn't know what it all meant yet. I knew there would be very hard times down the road. But right now I didn't care. Tom had just made love to me. It was natural. It was right. It was sweet, and he had to be the hottest lover in the world.

He seemed not to need anything for himself. Besides, I wouldn't have known how to give it to him, if he did. He would need to teach me later. He gently pushed me over in the bed, crawled in beside me, pulled me close to him, embraced my entire body with his, pulled up the covers, and held me close as we fell asleep.