You know how you all of a sudden have become a group of friends and you're not sure exactly when it happened? That's the way it was with Herbie and Diana and me. We were in an English Lit. class together. We sat on the far left hand side of the room in the back corner, and were kind of just thrown together there as it were. We all had the same kind of sarcastic sense of humor and found ourselves laughing at the same things, so there was an immediate bond. Well, actually, Diana and I found ourselves laughing at Herbie most of the time. He was always making little comments under his breath, and they were really funny. No one else could hear him, so to those around us it must have seemed that Diana and I just sat and laughed a lot at nothing. Herbie had managed to turn David Copperfield into the funniest novel ever written, and, although we were able to stifle much of our laughing, much of that stifled emotion could often be seen running down our cheeks. Our hilarity did not go unnoticed by Dr. Gordon who had very little sense of humor about most things and, absolutely no sense of humor at all about Charles Dickens.

"So, Miss Ralston, you find David Copperfield funny?"

"Oh, no, Dr. Gordon, not at all."

"So, those were tears of empathy you were shedding today?"

"Well, no, Dr. Gordon. Actually I have allergies and they were acting up today. I'm so sorry.

"And you, Mr. Anderson?"

"The same, Dr. Gordon. It has just been a terrible season for pollen.

"I must remember to ask the janitor to clean well in the back of the room this evening. You seem quite unaffected by the 'pollen', Mr. Duffy, any reason why?"

"A strong constitution, Dr. Gordon, very strong."

"May I suggest that the two of you take something for your 'allergies' before you come to class tomorrow? It's not that I'm unsympathetic to your plight, but I am concerned that your grades might suffer should you miss portions of my lecture due to all of that sniffing and blowing. The laughing doesn't help much either. Am I understood?"

"Oh, yes, Dr. Gordon, perfectly."

Needless to say, we walked out of the room very quietly and with somber expressions. We were barely able to make it out the front door before we all burst into hysterical laughter.

"Okay, Herbie, you've got to shut up. I can't afford a low grade in there."

"Me either, Herbie."

"Okay, okay, but that stuff is so boring. I can't help it."

"Help it, Herbie. You've got to."

"Hey, we've got a quiz tomorrow. You guys got time to go to the center for a little review?"

"Sure, I guess so."

"Then, let's go."

And our little threesome was born. We didn't really socialize. We didn't run in the same circles. Diana was a sorority chick and really cute. She was one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen. She was about 5'2", with black hair and really cute dimples. She also dated one of the captains of the football team. So, needless to say, we didn't meet at many parties. Moose said he was a good guy, though. He was also really good looking. Moose said he (the boyfriend, Curt) caught him looking at him (His equipment was apparently quite nice.) one day in the locker room. As they were walking out, Curt asked Moose if he could talk to him for a minute. He told Moose that he had been noticing him looking at him and the other guys lately, and that if he noticed it, the other guys probably did too, and that Moose really should cool it. He confronted Moose and asked him if he was gay, and Moose, being Moose, admitted that he was. Curt said that he was cool with that because his little brother was gay, but to please be careful because a lot of guys on the team would not take too kindly to having a gay guy in the locker room, especially one that was checking out their equipment. He and Moose had been pretty good friends from then on with a kind of understanding about things. Periodically he would walk by Moose and say, "Eyes straight ahead, Moosie baby." Most of the time Moose wouldn't have even realized he had been staring at some hunky football player or other, so he was glad to have Curt around as a kind of alarm.

I didn't know much about Herbie, except that he was really funny. He was a chubby guy, blonde, blue eyes, sweet face. He looked kind of like a cherub. He was a "townie". That means he didn't live on campus, but commuted to classes, so we didn't see much of him after his classes were over. He told us that he worked evenings at some sort of convenience store to put himself through school and that he wanted to be an architect. That was pretty much all I knew, except that he was one of the funniest and best natured guys I had ever met.

Anyway, we got in the habit of going to the center every day after class. We all had an hour before our next class, and if we didn't have studying to do, we liked to waste the time just hanging out. It really was fun, and I gradually came to consider both Herbie and Diana to be really good friends.

One morning Diana had to meet Curt for some reason or other between classes, so Herbie and I went to the center to have our coffee by ourselves. Herbie had to go to the john and I was reviewing my notes for a short quiz I was going to have in my next class. I got really involved in my studying, so wasn't aware of how long Herbie was gone until I looked at my watch. Herbie had been in the bathroom for 25 minutes. That was weird. I thought I'd better see if anything was wrong. As I entered the bathroom, I heard a voice saying, "Suck you? I don't think so, you fat faggot. And, if you ever tell anyone about this, you'll be very sorry!" I didn't think that sounded real good, so I quietly backed out of the john into the hallway and pretended to be getting a drink of water. Todd Allen came walking out the door laughing to himself and headed down the hallway. I went back in.

Herbie was standing at the sink washing his hands. His face was bright red. He turned and looked at me with a surprised look on his face and tried to smile.

"Herbie, are you all right? I thought you fell in."

"Nah. I just have this little problem. It's kind of embarrassing. Sometimes it keeps me in the bathroom a long time."

"Yeah, I just saw your little problem walking down the all. By the way, he left a drop of something just below the corner of your mouth. You might want to clean it off before you come back to the booth." And then I left.

When Herbie got back to the booth, he was no longer flushed. In fact, all of the color had drained out of his face. He sat down slowly and looked into my eyes. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough."

"Enough?"

"'Suck you? I don't think so, you fat faggot'"

"Oh my god." He looked down at the table and said softly, "Do you want me to leave now?"

"Your coffee's cold. You want me to get you another cup?"

"You don't want me to leave?"

"No, what I want you to do is stop sucking great big ugly dicks in public bathrooms. This is a very bad idea, Herbie. Todd is a very big guy and you don't really know where his dick has been. That can be very dangerous."

"Willie, what are you talking about?"

"Herbie, let's cut the shit. You're gay, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"And you just sucked Todd's dick in the bathroom, right?"

"Well, I...."

"Herbie, was that or was that not cum on your chin?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"One does not guess about cum on his chin, Herbie. Was it or wasn't it?"

"It was."

"If you need to suck a dick at 9:30 in the morning again, which, by the way, is a horrible time of day for dick sucking, ask me. I won't enjoy it, but if it will keep you off your knees in college bathrooms, I will make the sacrifice."

"Willie, you're gay?"

"No, but occasionally I rent my dick out to my needy gay friends. Yes, Herbie, I'm gay."

"Oh my god." Herbie laid his head down on the table.

Needless to say, we were not going to our next class. A crisis was a crisis. I got both of us another cup of coffee and we moved our conversation outside where there was less chance of being heard.

"So, Herbie, how long you been blowing guys in bathrooms?"

"Do we have to talk about that?"

"You're damn right we have to talk about that. If you were going to walk in front of a train, we'd talk about that. I'd say, 'Uh, Herbie, you think it's a good idea to walk in front of that train?' And you'd say, 'No', or 'Well, maybe', and we'd discuss the pros and cons of stepping in front of a train. Then, if you wanted to go ahead and step in front of the train, we'd shake hands and I'd watch you get smashed into about a thousand pieces. You'd get to do what you wanted to do which is to step in front of the train, and I'd get to watch the carnage with absolutely no feeling of guilt whatsoever. This is the same thing, Herbie, only just a little more dangerous than stepping in front of trains. So, you might as well just relax and enjoy your coffee, because we are going to have this conversation. After the conversation is finished, we don't ever have to talk about it again. Then, whether it is stepping or blowing, you are on your own to do what you want to do. Now...so, Herbie, how long you been blowing guys in bathrooms?"

"Just him and just a couple of times."

"This is encouraging. Now, why him? You couldn't have found some nice little guy with a big dick? You couldn't say to yourself, 'Self, blowing perhaps the biggest straight guy in the universe in a college bathroom wouldn't be a good idea. Why don't we go home and beat ourselves off instead?'"

"People don't think like that, Willie."

"Living people do, Herbie. Living people think like that every day."

"Besides, how straight can he be if he lets another guy blow him?"

"Herbie, there is nothing more dangerous than a great big ugly gay guy who thinks he is straight and is scared to death that someone might find out he is gay. Stay away from these people. Even a nice little guy with a big dick is dangerous in this situation."

"You think that might be what's going on with Todd?"

"I don't care what's going on with Todd. I just know that Todd thinks that you are the only person in the world besides himself who knows that he has been blown twice in the campus center bathroom, and that puts you in one dangerous position."

"But I won't tell."

"Stay away from him, Herbie, and stay away from that bathroom. If you have to piss, find a bush."

"You think it's that dangerous?"

"I heard what he said and I saw how he looked when he came out of there. I think it's that dangerous."

"Shit."

"Just be careful, that's all. He doesn't know where you live, does he?"

"No, but he could find out."

"Herbie, maybe we have nothing to worry about here. Just be careful, that's all."

Herbie was flat out scared, and he should have been. I was scared for him. I would have been scared for me if I thought Todd knew I had heard anything. Todd could not afford even a wisp of a question about his sexuality. He was probably headed for the NFL next year, and according to all the rumors, they frowned on being gay there. Really, the bathroom blow job caper was stupid for both of them. The things gay guys got into just because they were horny and had to hide who they were. It always made me mad at the whole fucking world. I wanted to hit someone really hard. Huge, strong Todd Allen would not, however, have been my first choice for hitting...or for blowing.

Herbie had been in deep repose, looking into his coffee.

"How long you been gay, Willie?" That was always one of my favorite questions. I assumed that I had always been gay. It would probably have been a better question to ask me how long I'd been aware that I was gay. But, how would I even answer that? Do you know you're gay when you first think a guy is good looking, like the first day you refuse to do that "how would I know if he's good looking or not, he's a guy" shit, and just say, "Yeah, the guy's pretty goddamn handsome."? Or is it the first time your dick starts to tingle when a cute guy walks by and you wonder what the hell that was all about? How about the first time you find yourself following a guy for no reason except that you need to follow him and you have this strange urge to be with him? Of course, there's the first time you suck a dick. That's pretty much a dead give away. Still, that can be rationalized as an "I was so drunk I can't remember what happened." moment. Herbie would never know how much time I had spent trying to answer that stupid question for myself. I had even thought back to when I was just a little kid. When I was five, I loved this kid Joey. We used to play every day, and it really tore me up when he moved away. Was that gay? I had finally decided to go with the day that I knew that I was in love with Tommy and would spend the rest of my life with him...if he would let me. That kind of sealed it for me. Tommy was a man. I would love him forever in every possible way that I could think of, and if I could invent some new ways, I would do that too. I figured that was pretty gay.

"About six months, Herbie. How about you?"

"More like two years for me. My best friend in high school and I used to pretty much do it all."

"And just what is 'it all', Herbie?"

"You know, suck, fuck, kiss, hug. We tried everything to see if we liked it."

"And did you like it?"

"I thought it was great, but Kenny wasn't sure. I haven't seen him since he went off to Notre Dame. He hasn't even written to me. Probably found some skinny guy."

"Oh, no, here we go."

"What?"

"The 'I'm fat, so no one will love me' shit."

"Well, it's true. There's absolutely do difference between being a fat straight chick and a fat gay guy. No one wants to date you or go out with you or be with you."

"That's not true, Herbie."

"Oh, yeah? How many fat guys have you been with lately?"

"I'd be with you, Herbie."

"What?"

"I said, 'I'd be with you.' I think you're really cute, Herbie, but I thought you were straight. I'd have already put the moves on you."

"You don't have to say that, Willie."

"I know I don't have to say it. I think you're goddamn cute as a button...a little pudgy button."

"I'm not sure I like that."

"Is your dick getting hard?"

"Well, yeah."

"You like it."

"Well, what about Tommy?"

"What about him?"

"You love him."

"Well, yeah."

"But you would put the moves on me?"

"Yeah."

"But you're in love."

"Hey, Herbie, I gave him my heart, okay? I kept my dick."

"He doesn't mind?

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, he doesn't mind. Fidelity is highly overrated, so we decided not to try it until we're too old to leave the house. Then we will swear our total fidelity to each other. It could be our last chance to avoid hell. Anyway we'll give it a try. That is, we'll give it a try unless the home health nurse has a tight little ass and a great big dick."

Herbie just looked at me with his mouth open, which was dangerous, considering that I had just seen in my mind one hell of a sexy little home health nurse with his dick hanging out. My reverie was ended, however, when Diana came running up. She was out of breath.

"Diana, you're not supposed to be out here. You're supposed to be in algebra."

"Willie, would you mind if I talked to Herbie alone for a minute?"

"Well, no, I guess not. Is anything wrong?"

"I just have to talk to Herbie, that's all."

"Okay, I'll take my cold coffee and wait for you right over there."

"Thanks, Willie."

I walked over and sat down at an empty table. Diana was very animated as she talked to Herbie. Of course, Diana was always very animated when she talked to anybody, so that didn't mean much. After they talked awhile, Herbie came over to my table.

"Willie, do you care if Diana knows you're gay?"

"I don't know, Herbie. I'm trying to keep the list of people who know down to about three thousand. It feels safer that way. No, I guess not. Apparently she knows you are. Okay. I trust her."

We went back over to the table.

"That's okay, Willie. I knew you were gay anyway."

"Oh great. Three thousand and one. How did you know?"

"Well, Curt knows that Moose is gay and Moose and Steven are always with you and Tom. I just put two and two together...no pun intended."

"Curt is telling people? Moose thinks he's not."

"No. Well, he told me. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I haven't told anyone. I told him he should talk to you, Willie, about his little brother. You remind me of Donnie, and Curt is trying awfully hard to understand the whole gay thing. He and his brother were really close growing up. Curt still wants to be, but it's Donnie who is pulling away. It bothers him a lot. Anyway, that's not what we need to talk about right now. We need to talk about Herbie. Curt would like to meet with you and Moose and Herbie this afternoon. He really wanted to just meet with Moose and Herbie, but since you know everything, I'm sure he'd want you there too. It's about Todd Allen.

"Oh shit, the train."

"You'll come then, Willie?"

"Someone will have to be there to help Curt explain everything to Herbie and Moose. Yeah, I'll be there."

"Good. It has to be secret. Meet Curt at the park on Denver Street at three this afternoon."

"Okay. We'll synchronize our watches."

"Don't make fun this time, Willie. This one's serious."

And then she was gone.

Denver Street Park was one of those massive old parks with the huge shade trees and acres of grassy meadows. The city had just kind of grown up around Denver Street Park and everyone had sort of agreed that having a park that large in the middle of town was a good thing. There were baseball diamonds and tennis courts and a great playground for the kids. We met Curt in a grove of oak tress near the north edge of the park.

"Hi, guys. I'm glad you could come. Herbie, Willie, we don't know each other, but I've heard a lot about both of you from Diana." We shook hands. "Let's get right to the bottom of things. Herbie, I know you've been blowing Todd Allen in the campus center bathroom." Herbie looked embarrassed. "There's no time to be embarrassed. You're among friends and what you choose to do is your own business. You're a friend of Diana's and that's what counts as far as I'm concerned. Todd and his friend Eric are planning to beat the crap out of you." Now Herbie looked concerned. "I heard them talking about it in the dressing room when they thought no one was around. Todd was laughing and bragging to Eric about how there was this gay guy who was blowing him at the campus center any time he wanted him to, and that the guy really knew how to suck a dick, but that he was worried that someone would find out about it. Todd said that he wasn't gay or anything and hated fags, especially this one, but the guy was just too good at it to stop. But then he said that, if someone found out about it and the word got around, that he was afraid that no team in the NFL would touch him. So he had a plan, but he needed Eric's help to do it.

He would talk Herbie into coming out to the park to give him a blow job. Right after the blow job was over, he and Eric would beat Herbie up so badly that Herbie would be afraid to ever tell anyone. Herbie would never be able to prove who had done it, and besides, he wouldn't go to the police because he wouldn't want everyone in his home town to know that he was gay, let alone that he had been blowing guys in public bathrooms. When Eric asked what was in it for him, Todd said that, just before they beat Herbie up, he would tell Herbie that they wouldn't beat him up if he blew Eric, too. Eric, snickered, and said that was good enough for him."

Herbie looked really worried now. Not only did Moose, Curt, and Diana and I know that he was blowing Todd Allen in the bathroom, he was gonna get his ass whipped for it in the park. This was not looking good. His eyes were beginning to glaze over with panic. Curt seemed to sense this and went on quickly: "Don't worry, Herbie. We're not going to let that happen. I have what I think is a great plan." Then he went on to explain his plan. Moose and Herbie thought it was great. I wasn't too sure, but was willing to go along with it if there was a chance it would help Herbie. Curt was a take-charge kind of guy, and you could just tell that all of the details would be taken care of. If it worked, it would be because Curt had made it work. As we synchronized our watches, I heard the "Mission Impossible" theme song playing in the back of my mind. Then, the inevitable happened.

"Willie, could I talk to you please?"

"Guys, will you wait for me for a few minutes?"

"Sure, Willie. Ever since we got here, I've been wanting to go swing. Hey, Herbie, I'll push you first, if you'll push me second, okay?"

"Sure, Moose. Then can we play on the teeter-totter?"

"Yeah, but you have to promise not to jump off real quick when I'm up in the air. That really hurts."

When I was depressed and feeling down, one of the things that always cheered me up was thinking about the intelligence and wonderful maturity of my friends. From the look on Curt's face, I was pretty sure that this was going to be the talk that Diana had told me about...the one about his brother. I got mentally ready to have the little " gay birds and bees" talk with Curt. Curt was a good guy, and I would do anything for him, especially after what he was willing to do for Herbie. I just hoped he would be able to handle what I was about to say because the only way to say it was to be totally honest. We sat down on a bench in the shade, under a huge old oak tree.

"Diana said she told you that Donnie was gay."

"Yes, she did."

"Did she tell you that he won't talk to me about it? When I try to bring it up, he just goes into his room and shuts the door."

"How old is he?"

"He's fifteen."

"And he told the family?"

"No. My dad came home early one afternoon and caught him in the bedroom with another boy."

"Naked and...."

"Yes."

"Parents have to stop doing that. They can't just be popping up here and there without warning. And your dad, being a very reasonable person, had them both get dressed and they all sat down and discussed the ramifications of what he had just seen, calmly and rationally?"

"He picked up the other kid and threw him out the back door naked. Donnie had to run around the house with the kid's clothes. No one could find either one of them for the next two days. Then they both came back home. They had been hiding out in the woods. The poor kids didn't know what to do. They knew they couldn't just run away, so they came back."

"And how are things now?"

"My mom says that it's never mentioned. My dad and my brother say what's necessary to get by and that's it. She says that my dad is heart broken and gets up in the middle of the night and she thinks he cries, but she's not sure. She knows Donnie cries, and she's afraid he's going to leave home. She doesn't know what to do. No one knows what to do, so I've got to do something before this thing all blows up and it can't be fixed."

"And you think it can be fixed now?"

"I don't know. I've got to try."

"And, how do you feel about homosexuality, Curt?"

"I don't know, really. Until all of this happened, I didn't feel anything about it at all. I knew it existed. I knew I wasn't. That's all, I guess. When I found out about Donnie, I was kind of jolted into thinking about it. I love that kid. He's eight years younger than I am. I practically raised him. I used to carry him around on my shoulders. I could never hate anything about him. It was about the time that I found out about Donnie that I started noticing Moose checking me out in the locker room. Ordinarily that would have really pissed me off, but the Donnie thing changed all that. I still didn't like it that Moose was staring at me, but for some reason I didn't want to beat the shit out of him for it. I was just worried about him. He thought he was being real subtle, but, you know Moose, subtlety is not his strong point. What really worried me was that he was checking the other guys out too. I thought 'Oh, shit. Why me? Why now?' But Moose is such a great guy, and what if it was Donnie? I had to do something, so I told him. I love Donnie, Willie. I don't want to lose him. I want to try to understand."

"Understand what, being gay?"

"Yes."

"Don't try to understand gay, Curt. I don't understand gay. I just am, that's all. I mean, there are things that you understand like how an engine works or how a kite flies, and then there are things that just are, like the universe and life and that kind of stuff. You can try to figure them out . You can read theory after theory about it. Most people just give up and decide to believe that there's this big old guy in a white robe somewhere up there in the sky making it all happen. But you can never really, really know, can you? So, at some point, you just have to accept things as they are and move on. It's a part of what we're given. It just is. It's like trying not to sleep. You can fight it and fight it and fight it and not go to sleep for a long time, but at some point, you are going to fall asleep whether you want to or not. You just are. Fighting it is useless."

"And being gay is like that?"

"Yeah. Who knows how long Donnie fought it before he finally gave in. You think he didn't know what would happen if your dad and mom found out? You don't think that every time he and his buddy got together to do what was so natural for them that they weren't scared to death that someone would walk in on them? No one understands gay, Curt. People are just gay. Do you understand straight? Do you and Diana have sex?

"Well, yeah."

"Do you feel dirty or evil or perverted when you and Diana have sex?"

"No. A little guilty, maybe, because we're not married yet, but...."

"Donnie does. Donnie feels horrible when he has sex, Curt. Donnie hears all of those voices in his head that he has heard making fun of gays. He hears ministers talking about gays burning in hell. He hears his parents talking about other kids who are gay and how they're so glad that nothing like that has ever happened in their family, and how we need to protect our children from those awful homosexuals. And yet, he knows he is good. He can't figure it out. All the other parts of him are normal and moral and loving and wonderful and he is going to hell because he loves the wrong way. How can you love the wrong way? And he can't even tell anyone about it. When he sees a pretty boy, he looks. He is designed to look...and to enjoy looking. He feels his heart skip a beat and feels all those great adolescent sexual feelings that are so much fun for everyone else to talk about. You know the ones that you hear parents laughing about when they say, 'Oh, look, Donnie's in love. Isn't that cute? It's his first puppy love. Do you think it will last?' Only that won't happen for him. He's in puppy love with Bobby. His love is evil and perverted. He has to fall in love in secret and every step of the way is dangerous for him on some level. And when he does find love, it's a shameful thing that has to be hidden. Don't blame Donnie for going into his room and crying, Curt. If you love him, go in there and cry with him. The kid's fifteen and he doesn't know what to do. He's frantic about what's ahead. He needs to know that someone loves him just the way he is, and not out of pity, or because they have to, but because he is okay and normal and created by God just the way everyone else is. That's what you need to understand, Curt. Don't understand 'gay'. No one can understand that. Understand Donnie. He's a kid. He's human and he needs someone to love him...unconditionally. You may be the only one who will."

I had said it. I had said my little speech. I had been saving up that little speech for a long time...for just the right moment to spiel forth all of the things that I had been thinking. And I had done it with great conviction and with great gusto. I felt like Lincoln must have felt after the Gettysburg Address. I hadn't been speaking so much to Curt as to the entire world. It was a shame that I had not given my speech to a great throng who would cheer and shout and throw their hats in the air.

There was a moment of silence, and then Curt started to cry softly . Suddenly Gettysburg was gone and only a heart-broken big kid was in front of me. He cried because he was big and strong and had a loving heart and didn't know how to help his gay little brother and didn't know what the hell else to do. And me, the snotty, sarcastic gay guy, the great and wondrous orator, pulled him in close and held his head on my shoulder while he cried. Speaking of not understanding things, I could not for the life of me figure out why I always ended up holding some guy's head on my shoulder while he cried. But I don't think I minded that really. I was beginning to get used to it. It was so hard to cry alone and the crying never seemed to be weak or selfish. It was always about strength and about letting go of something that you needed to get rid of, but just couldn't seem to figure out how to let go of by yourself. I was happy to help Curt get rid of this one. He was a good guy, and a great big brother, and there would be a lot of crying by a lot of people before this one was over. I collected Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum from the slide and we headed back to campus.

The next morning Herbie, Diana and I were having our morning coffee in the center, when Todd Allen walked by our booth. We pretended not to notice, but Herbie said that this was it. Todd had given him the "evil eye". We continued to talk and laugh as though nothing were unusual. About five minutes later Herbie gave us an anxious look, and slipped off to the bathroom. I couldn't imagine how hard this must be for him. Not only was he frightened, but how embarrassed must he be that Diana knew that he had been blowing a guy in the campus center restroom? Diana never ceased to amaze me. It didn't seem to bother her at all. She didn't ever say anything, but you could tell by the way she was treating Herbie that she wasn't going to allow it to ruin our friendship. I made up my mind right then and there that, if I ever woke up straight, Curt would just have to understand that I was going to marry Diana. After about ten minutes, Herbie came back to the table. He looked a little pale but undamaged. He said that we were on for four o'clock that afternoon at the park. We didn't skip a beat. We just went on talking and laughing and drinking our coffee. In our minds, however, we had already begun to set the plan in motion.

We met in the same grove of oak trees at 2:30. We wanted to take no chances that Todd and Eric might see us if they arrived early. Curt was there to set the plan in motion. There had to be several of us if the plan was to work, so we had brought Tommy, Steven, Moose, Tim, Randy, and Ben. We weren't the biggest and toughest guys on campus, but we could take care of ourselves. We weren't afraid of the big bad football players...as long as there were just two of them. Ben and Tommy were good sized, Timmy, Randy and I were wiry and quick, Moose was so big he could count for two, and Steven could run for help if we were in trouble. What a team we were! We were to hide out up in the big old oak trees until Curt gave us the signal to come down. We didn't know how much we would be able to see from our perches, but we'd be out of the way and well hidden, and Curt could keep an eye on what was going on for us. (I hoped he was ready to deal with everything he was about to see.) I hadn't climbed a tree since I was about twelve years old and this part of the plan looked like a lot of fun to me. Moose looked a little worried. I guess hoisting that body up a tree looked pretty difficult to him. This was a good time to be little and wiry. So, up the trees we went. Ben and Tommy gave Moose a boost so he could grab the bottom limbs of his tree. His arms were strong, so he was okay from there. We were laughing and carrying on like a bunch of little kids. Curt reminded us that we were there for a purpose and that we'd better keep our minds on what we were doing or we would blow the whole thing. Steven pointed out that that was to be Herbie's job, and we all laughed. Curt laughed and apologized for his insensitivity. He was starting to get it.

It was now about three o'clock. Herbie arrived, looking very apprehensive. He asked Curt where we all were. We wanted to snicker, but didn't dare. Not even Herbie could know where we were. Any little tilt of the head; any little wayward glance could give us away. Curt assured Herbie that we were nearby and went over the instructions with him. Then he disappeared into the trees. Herbie sat down on the bench that Curt and I had shared the day before, and waited. The poor guy was so nervous that sweat was running down his forehead into his eyes. He kept dabbing them with a handkerchief.

Sure enough, at about 3:30, a half hour early, Todd and Eric arrived. I wanted to yell and jump out of my tree and land on them, or swing down like Tarzan on a vine and knock the shit out of them. They personified evil to me. They were too low to walk the planet. Todd swaggered over to Herbie, while Eric (Remember, Herbie wasn't supposed to know Eric was going to be there.) hid behind a tree...right underneath me. The sudden urge to pee was almost too intense to ignore.

"Hello, Herbie, it's good to see you and your pretty little mouth out here in the park. You all warmed up and ready." That was it. I would whoop a thunderous war cry and leap from my tree and beat the fucking bastard to a pulp! Then again, what good would that do Herbie? Shit, I hated that guy.

"You know I don't want to do this."

"You didn't mind it those times in the bathroom, fat boy."

"That was a mistake, Todd, and you know it. C'mon, be a good guy. I don't want to do this anymore. Just let me go home, and we'll forget anything ever happened."

"I don't think so, Herbie. I don't think we'll forget anything ever happened. I think we'll remember it for a long, long time, and I think you'll blow me any time I fucking want you to. It would be tragic if the whole town found out about that nice boy Herbie Duffy blowing guys in the college bathroom. I can hear them talking now: 'Poor Mrs. Duffy with a boy like that. And they seemed like such a nice family.'"

For a minute I thought Herbie was gonna explode and say something about the NFL finding out about it. His face was red and you could almost see steam pouring out of his ears. But he didn't. Thank God. That would have ruined everything. This wouldn't be easy for Herbie...far from it. But, if it worked, it would be worth it. Herbie recovered, calmed down, and became meek little Herbie again. I silently sighed, and I'm sure all the other guys did too.

"Okay, Todd, let's get it over with."

"You got it, faggot boy. Just let me pull out Big Nasty." And with that, Todd pulled out one of the biggest dicks I had ever seen. It was huge! I couldn't imagine how Herbie had survived having it in his mouth. Herbie must have a jaw like a snake's. He'd have to be able to unhinge it to get that baby down. I could almost hear every one of us in our trees saying "Holy shit, will you look at the size of that Schlong?!"

"Wait, Todd. (Be careful, Herbie, this is the tricky part.) Let's do this right. We're not in a bathroom now. We're in the great outdoors. There's no one around. We don't have to hurry or worry about being caught. Let me suck that monster like I've wanted to all along."

"What do you mean?"

"Drop your pants, Todd."

"No way, fag boy."

"C'mon, drop them down so I can play with your balls. You've never had a blow job until you've had your ass and your balls played with while you're blowing your load."

"Now that sounds real nice, Herbie, my boy. I think I'd like that. I think I'd like that a whole lot." And with that Todd just dropped his pants right there. He was wearing a tight T-shirt, so he was in clear view from his ass to his ankles, and it wasn't a bad view either. All of those football workouts had paid off for old Todd. Herbie wasted no time and reached out for Todd's balls. I wondered how he could do it. I would have yanked those suckers off at the nubs! I had to admire Herbie. He had to be scared to death, and with all of us there watching.... I just didn't know how he was doing it. Then, just as he was about to unhinge his jaw and wrap his lips around that disgusting yet unbelievably large appendage, Todd said, "Uh, Herbie, wait just a minute, I have a surprise for you. Uh, Eric...." And Eric walked out from behind the tree. Now Eric was a big ole lineman football player like Moose, so you just knew his schlong was going to be big and fat and real meaty. Those big guys always have dicks like that. If you like the guy, they're fine, but attached to someone like Eric....eewwwuuuu. Poor Herbie!

"Take your dick out, Eric. Show Herbie what's for dessert."

"Now wait a minute, Todd. I never said I'd suck anyone else. This isn't fair."

"But this is my best friend, Herbie. You'll do it for me, won't you? You will if you know what's good for you, fat boy." ( I wanted to yell, "Herbie, Herbie, Herbie, forget the plan, Herbie. Just bite off his fucking dick, spit it out on the ground, and let's get the hell out of here.")

Herbie would get some sort of award for his performance today. Maybe we could call it a "Sucky". He looked very frightened. Then he looked like he would get up and run. Then he thought better of it. He stayed on his knees and looked up at Todd.

"Okay, Todd. I guess I don't have any choice, do I?" (That's my boy, Herbie!)

"Yes, you do, Herbie. You can walk right out of here if you want to. Of course, there's that call. It will hurt me to make it, but...."

"Let's get it over with."

"Great, Herbie. Now, Eric, drop your pants."

"What?"

"Drop your pants."

"No way. Drop my pants out here? What if someone comes?"

"Someone is gonna come...real soon. But no one's gonna catch us. Just drop 'em. This will be your first blow job from a guy, won't it?"

"Well, yeah, but...."

"And you want it to be good, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Then drop your pants, so he can get at your balls and your ass. You'll love it that way. Herbie's got real talent, don't you, Herbie?"

Apparently our friend Todd was a bit more experienced than we thought. It seemed that Herbie's was not the first set of lips to wrap around his amazing piece of meat. I wondered how long it would take him to admit what had become obvious to me: Todd was in reality a gay caballero. Anyway, Eric, not being too bright, and certainly not in any way able to think for himself, dropped his pants. Unfortunately, his ass now blocked my view of the proceedings. That was okay, because it was time for us to go into action.

Herbie began his tandem suck in earnest now. It was his job to keep our young horny thugs occupied. By the sounds that were coming from Todd and Eric, he was doing an amazing job of it, too. They were moaning and groaning and, in general, enjoying the proceedings. We climbed down from our perches and hid where they couldn't see us. Each of us had a camera, and when Curt yelled, "Now!", we all jumped out into the clearing and began snapping pictures of Todd and Eric with their dicks in Herbie's mouth. (We got some really good pictures and from some very interesting angles. I still have a small book of them that I keep in a drawer.) It was then that Todd and Eric realized what was happening and turned to see all of us snapping pictures around them. Their asses were in plain view and their little peckers were softening very quickly.

"You sons of bitches, we'll kill you!" And with that, Todd and Eric pulled up their britches and got ready to give us the thrashing of our lives. "C'mon, little sissy boys, we can take you all at the same time."

It was then that Curt walked out from the trees. We were amazed because we didn't expect it. Everything came to a screeching halt.

"I don't think you'll do anything right now, Todd. In fact, I don't think you'll do anything ever, if you know what's good for you. I'm sure we've got some really good shots of you and Eric with your pants down and your dicks definitely being sucked by some guy in the woods. I'm sure the NFL would love to get a look at something like that. So would the papers, it being so close to draft time and all.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, yes. Yes, I would."

"You a faggot, Rollins?"

"No, I'm not, and I'll thank you not to use that term around my friends. Now get out of here, you two, and I'd better not hear any more about any of this stuff again...ever. And, Todd, I think it would be smart of you to leave Herbie alone...completely alone. Do you catch my drift?"

Todd and Eric didn't say a word. They just fastened their pants and walked away slowly. We would have no more trouble from them. We all quietly high-fived each other. That's when we noticed Herbie. He was sitting on the bench with his head down and he was crying.

"You guys go on. Herbie and I will be along real soon." They were all going to Guido's to celebrate the victory. I walked over and sat down beside Herbie.

"Herbie, what's wrong? You won. You'll never have to worry about Todd again."

"I know, but blowing two guys like that with everyone watching...." He started crying again.

"Herbie, you had no choice. No one's going to hold that against you."

"I am."

And that was it. Herbie was so ashamed of being Herbie and of what had happened, he might never recover.

"Where's your car, Herbie?"

"By the playground."

"Let's go."

"Where?"

"You'll see."

I made Herbie drive me back to the dorm and then I made him go down the hall and take a long, hot shower. When he got back, he started to get dressed.

"No, Herbie, not just yet."

"What do you mean?"

I sat Herbie down on the bed, turned on some music and turned out the lights. While Herbie was in the shower, I had filled the room with candles. Slowly I began to strip to the music. Herbie didn't know what was going on, but he wasn't moving either. When I got down to just my underwear, I walked over to Herbie, seated on the bed.

"You don't have to...."

"Shut up, Herbie, and take them off."

And then, silently and slowly, he did. I knelt down in front of Herbie and spread his legs apart. Then I moved forward and took his dick in my hands. I hadn't seen Herbie's dick before. It was very nice. It was about six inches long and that nice blonde dick color with a nice patch of blonde hair at its base. He had large balls that were nice and full. I would enjoy them very much later. I took his dick between my palms and rolled it gently. His balls began to stir. I then bent down and began to lick the lovely large red head of his beautiful dick. The after shower taste was very clean and nice. I looked up at Herbie. He was crying again.

"Herbie, you're beautiful inside and out. Just relax and enjoy being beautiful and enjoy having someone make wonderful love to you. You haven't fucked until you've fucked the best, and believe me, Herbie, I'm the best. Now quit crying before I have to beat the shit out of you."

Herbie just laughed and seemed to relax. If I was as good as I thought I was, for just a few minutes, I could make him forget everything that had happened at the park. I took that beautiful dick slowly into my mouth. The taste really was wonderful and the smell was so clean and so fresh. I really got into sucking. In fact, I got so into it that I completely forgot about everything else until I heard Herbie began to moan. Shit. He was going to come, and this was supposed to be just the beginning. I pulled off his dick just in time and gave him some time to cool down. While he cooled, I licked and fondled his nipples and played with his belly button. Herbie was ticklish and moved around and laughed like a little boy.

"I want to kiss you, Herbie, long and deep."

"No, I don't think...."

"Yes, Herbie. Open up."

He did and I kissed him and thrust my tongue into his warm mouth. He moaned again and reciprocated with his. Herbie was a really good kisser and finally let go of all of the pain and agony he had been feeling. He wrapped his legs around me, and held me tight, and we kissed and held each other for a good ten minutes. Herbie tried to move his head down to suck me, but I wouldn't let him. He had done quite enough sucking for one evening.

"I have a gift for you, Herbie. I don't give this to all of my friends...just the beautiful ones."

And with that, I rolled over and showed him my pride and joy. Is it necessary to remind you that I am a 10 in the ass department? I am a 10 only because the numbers don't go any higher. Again a moan came from Herbie. He took a moment to ponder great beauty in its natural form and then he began to rim me. This was not his first run around an ass, and Herbie proved to be quite as adept with his tongue on this side of the anatomy as he was on the other one. It was great, and soon it was I who was doing the moaning and the groaning.

"Herbie, baby, why have you been keeping this talent to yourself? I'm ready now, Herbie. Fuck me, sweetheart, and fuck me good."

Herbie then assumed the position and entered me very slowly. His dick was not the biggest, but it was a very comfortable size. I would enjoy this fuck very much. I would enjoy it especially if it did for Herbie what I hoped it would do. Herbie bent over my back and whispered, "Thank you, Willie. I love you."

"Do it right, Herbie, baby, and in a few minutes I'll be the one thanking you."

And he did. I don't know if it was just luck or if Herbie had been doing a lot more than he let on, but that boy could fuck with the best of them. He would almost bring me off and then he would slow down to almost a stop and start kissing me on the back of the neck and back. When he did that, he would reach around and play with my hard dick and my balls, making me ache to have that dick moving in and out. Then he would start back up again, slowly at first, and then faster and faster until I was almost ready and.... We did that about three times and then he whispered, "This is it, Willie. No more teasing. Let's go, my love."

And go we did. I was way past ready. He had built me up and brought me down so many times that I was aching to come. I had to come, and I had to come now. Faster and faster he went and harder and harder he fucked. I gave him back as much as he gave me. I needed it. I wanted it. And then I began my low orgasmic moan. It starts low and works its way up to a fevered pitch and then.... Herbie grabbed my shoulders, pulled me back and up, so that he was actually holding me in a bear hug from behind. We were almost bent backwards on the bed when we began coming and moaning and yelling like there was no tomorrow. Our orgasm was amazing. We seemed to shoot on and on forever. We had a lot to get out of our systems, and out it came!

After it was over, we collapsed on the bed. I was in Herbie's arms.

"Thank you, Willie. You are indeed a 10. No, no, I think a 20. Hell, a 30 or a 40! In other words, you were very good. And more than that, when I thought it was impossible, you made me forget. Thank you for that."

"Did you feel loved, Herbie?"

"I felt very loved."

"You are, you know, by a lot of people."

"Do they all have asses like yours?"

"No one has an ass like mine, Herbie."

"Then, to hell with 'em."

We laughed and got dressed and went to join the gang at Guido's. We had a great time. Back in the room when Tommy and I were climbing into bed, Tommy said, "You know, Herbie looked different at Guido's tonight. In spite of everything he'd been through today, he seemed happy. He almost glowed. And did you notice? He didn't leave alone. That's the strangest thing. I wonder what could have happened to him?"

"Gee, I don't know, Tommy. We'll have to try to find out tomorrow, won't we? G'nite."

And then I kissed him, rolled over, and turned out the light.