The guy was huge. He was also kind of cute...just a big Teddy bear. He weighed at least 280 and had one of those cherubic faces. He was rarely caught without a big smile and wouldn't hurt a flea. That was Moose. He was a lineman on the football team. No, hold that, he was the line of the football team. The crazy thing about Moose was that he was extremely intelligent. It just didn't go together: 280, football, intelligence. But, there it was all wrapped up in Moose. Tom and I met him through bridge. Tom was an avid bridge player and if I wanted to see much of him, I had to take up bridge too. I was never much good at it, but eventually began to enjoy it. Still, I wasn't known as one of the greats of bridge, so no one really wanted me as a partner. Moose didn't seem to mind. When we'd get a game together in the campus center and everyone began to hem and haw over who would get me as their partner, Moose would always step up and say, "I'd like to have Bill as my partner. We really play well together." Truth is, we didn't play well together at all, but Moose didn't care and neither did I, and every time we went set, Moose would wink at me and say, "Well, Billy, we gotta do better next time." I liked ole Moose...a lot.

I don't know why. There was really no reason for it, but Tom and I started spending a lot of time with Moose that fall. We all just seemed to fit some way. We weren't together all the time, but it wasn't unusual on week-ends to find us together at a movie or at one of the big campus parties. Moose was one of the most popular athletes on campus and Tom had earned big man on campus honors just because of his really good looks and the suave way he handled himself. I was accepted as the cute, if a bit immature, roommate of the suave and really good looking Tom. It was an identity I could handle. The girls were really nuts about Tom, which caused me hours of amusement, and they seemed to enjoy bantering with me. Moose played the role of everyone's kindly and funny big brother. The times were very good.

"You guys need to be more careful." Moose and I were having a coke at the center waiting for Tom and Mickey another friend to show up for a bridge game.

"What Moose?"

"You and Tom need to be more careful."

"About what, Moose?"

"Whataya mean, 'about what'?"

"I mean, what do you mean, Moose?" He seemed to be having trouble spitting out whatever it was he wanted to say. That was unusual for Moose. He was never at a loss for words.

"Bill, if I notice it, other people will too."

"What the hell are you talking about, Moose?"

"Damn, Bill, are you gonna make me say it?"

"Yeah, Moose, I think I am, because I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay, here goes. You and Tom are going to have to be more careful about being gay, Bill. I know it and I don't care, but I don't want anyone else to know it because you guys are my best friends and I don't know what I'd do if the other guys found out. I want to think that I'd be strong enough to stand up for you guys and keep hanging out with you, but I don't know Bill. I don't know how strong I am."

There was silence for awhile. Then Moose spoke again. Poor gentle, kind Moose.

"I didn't hurt your feelings did I Bill?"

"By saying you knew I was gay? No Moose. That would never hurt my feelings. It did shock the hell out of me, though. Tom and I thought we were being so careful.

"You are Bill, very careful, but.... But I'm around you two a lot, and...."

"And what?

"Well, you're not just buddies, Bill. I picked up on that right away. Gradually I kind of figured it all out. Now it's kind of neat...not the gay stuff. That stuff's still weird and all. But you guys really love each other. That part is neat. Only, I'm worried that if I know, so will everyone else. Sometimes it's just the way you look at each other, or a little touch. It's just a little touch, and other people might not notice, but it's not a buddy touch it's....

"What, Moose?"

"Well, you just can see, that's all. It's touching him in a different way. Your fingers land in a different way, somehow. I can't describe it, but I sure know it when I see it. It's funny. You'd think it would turn me off and stuff, but it doesn't. You're both my friends, so it makes me feel good. I can't figure that out."

"I can, Moose. You're just a good guy. I think you're happy when you see anything good, and trust me, Moose, what Tom and I have is very good."

"I know, but you've got to be careful. If people find out, I don't think it will be very good."

"No, you're right about that." Tom and Mickey arrived and we went on with our bridge game. Of course, Moose and I were partners, and of course, Moose and I got beat. I was worried.

"Tommy...." We were in bed...alone...different beds. We didn't always sleep together. Sometimes we wanted to get some rest.

"Yeah, Ace?"

"Moose knows."

"Knows what, Ace?"

"About us."

Tom was really upset. "Why the hell did you tell Moose? Don't you have any sense at all?"

"I didn't tell him. He knew."

He calmed down a little. "He knew? How did he know?"

"He said that if we weren't more careful, everyone would know. He said our love for each other was obvious, and that he didn't mind it but other people might."

"Oh shit, Ace. Did he say anything else?"

"He seems to be okay with it. In fact I think he's happy that we love each other."

"Well, if anyone would be, it would be Moose. I've never seen so much sweet locked up in one package in my life. We are gonna have to be more careful though."

"I don't know how. He says he figured it out from the little unconscious things we do, like the way we look at each other and the way we touch each other."

"We touch each other?"

"I guess so. I guess lovers do that without knowing it."

"Shit. Come here."

"Why?"

"I want to touch you, and I want to know it."

I climbed into his bunk and snuggled up close. I rubbed my dick against his leg and gave him a long, sweet kiss.

"You think they could tell now?"

"The quick ones could. The slow ones, maybe not." Then we kissed one more time and went to sleep.

It was a problem, though, and Tom and I became much more aware of how we related in public. It was a pain in the ass... and not one of the good ones. I was afraid to look at him or to smile at him, and touching him was, of course, out of the question. I made sure not to sit on the same side if we were in a booth, or next to him if the three of us went to a movie. Moose must have felt like a book between two bookends. We never sat together in his presence and one of us always sat with him.

"Look guys, I'm tired of being your chaperone."

"What?" I said.

"Ever since I told you that I knew you were gay, you have used me to keep you apart in public. At the movies, I'm between you. In here, one of you is always sitting with me. The fact that you're never together makes it almost as obvious as it was when you were always together. Plus, I'm beginning to think that I'm the gay one here. After all, I'm the one who's always sitting with the gay guy."

We all laughed. Tom was the first one to speak.

"You're right, Moose. We have gone a little overboard."

"A little?"

"But you know, it's really hard to figure out what to do here. We've been together long enough now that we don't know really when we're doing those things you say give us away, so staying away from each other seems to be the only answer."

"Well, be careful, because I think I'm falling in love with one of you, but I can't decide which one."

We all laughed again.

"Seriously, guys. How about if each one of you developed a new group of friends? You could each pledge a different fraternity or something. You're both popular enough on campus. You'd be sure to get in. Then it would look more like you were just friends. Tom, you could come into Alpha Tau with me and, Bill, I'm sure your friend Gregg could get you into Phi Psi."

It was a good survival plan, but not living with Tommy...I didn't know if I could do that. Being able to make love to him or just sleep with him any time I wanted had become one of the nicest things in my life. His body was my body. Holding it was one of the most wonderful parts of my life.

Tom said, "It's a good idea, Moose. We'll think about it."

"Look, guys. I've never been in love, so I can't imagine what that's like, or what it's like to have to split up. But, unless you want to leave here, you've got to do something, and pretty quick."

Moose only looked like a big dumb cluck. He was smart, and he really did care about us. Both Tom and I knew we had to do it.

"Tommy, when would we make love? Where we would we make love?"

"Late Saturday nights in the alley behind Finnerman's. Just us and the cats."

"Don't be funny now, Tommy. We've just started thinking about this, and I'm already feeling awful about losing you."

"Life is shitty, Ace. We're gay. You know I'd like to stand out on a street corner, naked with a hard on, with a sign that says 'fuck you, I'm gay', but where would that get us?"

"Well, it'd make me feel better than moving away from you because people wouldn't like us if they knew we were who we are. I'm not a coward, Tom. If they found out we were gay, I could live with that. I don't like pretending to be something I'm not just because someone might think who I am isn't acceptable."

"Noble words, Ace, and even more noble because I know you mean it. I know you could walk around on campus with a sweatshirt proclaiming your gayness to the whole world, and it would give you much inner peace...and much outer hate. The world isn't ready for you yet, Ace. Some day, but not right now."

There was silence while we both thought, and then he grabbed me and held me and I cried and cried and cried. I cried because I was frustrated. I cried because I was angry. I cried because life had played such a mean trick on me. I cried because I loved him. But, most of all, I cried because he loved me as much as I loved him, and I knew that. Without that, there would have been no reason to cry. We would try this fraternity thing. It would be a great gay experiment and we would come out of it much stronger. Yeah, right.

Pledging was pure hell. I hated it. Tom said he didn't mind, but he liked parties more than I did anyway. The only good part about it was that we could go to the parties together. We were careful and didn't spend too much time around one another. Then the invitation only parties began. Sure enough Tom was invited to Alpha Tau and I wasn't and I was invited to Phi Psi and he wasn't. We both were invited to Beta Theta. Under normal circumstances that's the one we would have gone with. Hold that. Under normal circumstances we wouldn't have been going to any of them. But since we had to try our plan, to the final parties we went. We both got in. Now, this may sound very strange, but there was some excitement when we found out that we had been pledged. I guess it's that old win/lose thing. Once you get into the contest, no matter what it is, you always want to come out on top...well, most of the time anyway. Tom would be with Moose and I would be with Gregg. I haven't talked about Gregg. He was a year ahead of me in high school and we warmed the basketball bench together. We were great friends in high school, and were still friends now, just not as close. Once in awhile we would go to a movie or something. I liked Gregg, and so, would enjoy being in the fraternity with him. I wanted him for a big brother and I knew he wanted me to. That part was a slam dunk.

Tom and Moose and I decided to have a victory party in our room. We planned to get totally wasted. Getting totally wasted was one of our favorite things to do. It was my job to get all the supplies in. Twinkies, Doritos, pretzels...Moose liked pretzels that had been dunked in yogurt. I thought they were awful, but it was kind of Moose's party, so I got some. Oh, and yeah, lots and lots of beer. We were nuts about Coors at the time, when we could find it, and I found some. I was very proud. Tom would find the, well, you know. We had Twinkies.

It was to be a pajama party because there was no way we were gonna let Moose out of the room in the condition we planned for him to be in at the end of the evening, or morning, or afternoon. We would all just get wasted and sleep wherever our bodies happened to fall. We hadn't had one of these for a long time and we were going to enjoy the hell out of it. The pledging thing had been tough on all of us, especially since Tom and I had not wanted to pledge at all. We would forget the Greeks for one night. Well, if Moose passed out early, Tom and I might not forget the Greeks all together. There was nothing like being completely obliterated and finding your favorite Greek somewhere in the room. It was nine o'clock on the dot...time for the party to begin. Tom and I invited Moose to sit with us on the bed, but he refused. He said he'd been sitting with us in so many movies and so many booths that he wanted to get as far away from us as possible. So he took his beer and his snacks and sat at the desk. The funny thing is that he was really mad about it. That made the big guy even cuter, and our laughing at him made him even madder, although it was a kind of play mad...we hoped.

On into the evening we went getting drunker and higher and fuller. It was in that shape that Tom and I could hardly keep our hands off one another, our inhibitions being two sheets into the wind. I got up and moved to a chair. I had enough composure to not want to embarrass Moose or us. Tom, however, was a little farther gone than I and got up with mischief in his eyes. I wasn't worried. I knew I could handle him in this condition. I had many times before. To my surprise and horror, however, he headed for Moose, who was just as wasted as Tommy. There was nothing to do. I knew neither one of them would remember this in the morning and I would tell Tom that he had fallen. I would never tell him that Moose hit him when he put the moves on him. They liked each other too much. Also, it would crush Moose to think he had hit his best friend. Yeah, I knew that Moose liked Tom better than he liked me. I didn't mind though. I liked Tom better than I liked Moose. It seemed only fair.

Tom got to Moose's chair as Moose was bending over to get a hand full of Doritos. When Moose came up for air, Tom was there and planted a big ole kiss right on Moose's mouth. The look on Moose's face would have been hysterical and I would have been laughing my ass off had I not had to prepare myself for the punch. I didn't want to see Tommy get hit and fly across the room, so I closed my eyes and buried my head and waited for the loud thud. There was no loud thud. I waited awhile longer. Still no thud, so I opened my eyes. They were still locked in the kiss! Holy shit! Tom was kissing Moose and Moose was kissing him back! Now I would really have to keep my mouth shut in the morning. I couldn't help myself.

"Moose, what are you doing?"

"I think I'm kissing Tommy. Any objections?"

"I'm not sure, probably. Do you know you're kissing Tommy?"

"His tongue was just in my mouth, I'm fairly sure."

With that, Tommy pulled back to laugh and fell on the floor. He could not stop laughing and was rolling and rolling around on the floor.

"Tom, stop rolling."

"I can't Ace. It's too funny."

And it was funny, so I started laughing too, and then Moose joined us, only Moose had a puzzled look on his face.

"I just kissed Tommy, Bill."

"Yeah, Moose?"

"We Frenched."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"And I liked it."

"Sure seemed to, Moose."

"My god, I'm gay."

"Hold on there, Moosie, one French kiss does not a gay man make. You're pretty wasted here. Tomorrow morning the thought of Frenching Tommy will probably make you want to throw up. Well, maybe you might want to wait until Sunday. Tomorrow morning, the thought of almost anything will make you want to throw up."

"No, Tommy, I liked it. I want to do it again. I've wanted to do it for a long time. I've known it for a long time. I'm just drunk enough now not to give a shit."

Tom quit laughing. We all stared at each other. You know how something can happen and everyone is instantly sober? This was one of those times. Tom got up and sat on the bed. There was total silence. Moose began to cry. Oh, shit. I didn't think I could handle this tonight. I was sober for the moment, but wasted was waiting in the wings, and I was the least wasted of anyone. I would have to be in charge. Oh, Moosie, Moosie, Moosie, why did it have to be tonight? Okay, when life hands you lemons.... I hated that saying, but I was about to make as much lemonade as I could before sunrise.

Tom started laughing in the way you can laugh only when you're wasted or drunk or high or both and laid back on the bed, took off his pants, put his legs in the air, spread his cheeks apart and said, "Come and get it, Moosie, Woosie, Woosie. Come to Tommy." I looked at Tom and then at Moose.

"See that over there on the bed?"

"Yes," Moose said.

"It will pass out in less then ten minutes. We will let it go. It has no purpose in the world as we know it. It is cute and it is sexy, but it must sleep."

So Moose and I sat and waited, and sure enough it was snoring in about eight minutes with its pants around its ankles. I walked over to the bed, pulled the pants the rest of the way off, gave its dick a little squeeze, covered it up and kissed it good night. It smiled sweetly. I loved it, but it could be very obnoxious.

"All right, Moose, there have to be some rules here, and they have to be my rules. Do you agree?"

"Yes."

"Okay. First, I do not mind what we are about to do. I like you. I have always thought you were as cute as hell and have, in fact, fantasized about you a couple of times. I think this could be fun. Secondly, we are not nearly wasted enough to make this work. We will spend some more time getting wasted. Thirdly, if we get in the middle of this thing, and you have a sudden revelation that you are totally straight, but don't know how to tell me and don't want to hurt my feelings, by all means tell me and hurt my feelings. That's why God made hands. I can get through the night alone. Lastly, you must in your mind believe that what we're doing is natural and that some people are made this way and that the only way to find out if you're made this way is to try it. If you're not made this way, you will know that soon enough. If you are, you will know that soon enough also, but you must relax and let it happen or you will never know. Nothing that we do will ever leave this room. I think you know you can trust me that much."

"Yeah, Bill, I know."

"Call me, Willie."

"What?"

"No one who is going to fuck me can call me Bill."

"Am I going to fuck you, Bill, I mean Willie?"

"If you want to you are, Moose."

"That's kind of scary."

"After I get a look at your dick, we'll decide if it's scary or not. Now drink."

He did and I did and in about half an hour I deemed that we were ready.

"Now we're going to go over there on the couch, Moose, and our adventure will begin. You won't know what to do, so I'll lead and you follow. After awhile you may want to lead for a little bit. That's okay. You go ahead, but let me start us out. Relax and don't think about anything that anyone has told you about what is okay or not okay about sex."

We walked to the couch and sat down. Moose looked like a vulnerable little boy and I wanted to protect him more than I wanted to make love to him, but I knew that we were dealing with a window of opportunity here, and that tonight was his night. I know it sounds crazy, but I was really on a mission here. I think it was because I had so recently made the discovery myself. I had to help Moose find his answer. Neither one of us knew what it would be, but, even though it might not sound very noble to you, to two 19 year olds, it was nothing but.

I took Moose's head in my hands and looked into his eyes. It was important that he trusted me. He didn't have to love me, but he had to trust me. I think he did, because, when I leaned in to kiss him, he just relaxed and let it happen. He didn't really respond, but he didn't pull away either. He just relaxed. I seized the opportunity and slowly slid my tongue into his mouth. He let me do that too, and responded by sliding his into mine. He might not end up being gay, but we were going to have sex. If I took this slowly, I could lead him into it with me.

I ran my hand down his large body and let it rest on his dick. It was hard...another good sign. He sighed and shifted his body so that I could get my hand around it. I squeezed it softly. He sighed again. His tongue became more active as I played with his dick. I pulled my tongue out of his mouth and stood up in front of him. He looked at me in a questioning way. I smiled back at him. Then I did a slow striptease in front of him. I knew he had seen lots of guys naked in the locker room and in the frat house, but I doubt if he had ever seen one strip like this for him, and I knew my body was as good as most of the ones he had seen. He watched my every movement with his hand on his dick and balls and seemed especially happy when my dick snapped out of my pants already hard and ready to go. He was pleased with what he saw.

I stood next to him, within arm's length and he just looked at me. Then, slowly he reached out and cupped my balls in his hand. He was very tender. Then with his other hand he began to feel my dick. It was obvious that he had never done this and he seemed fascinated by how it felt. Once in awhile he would look up at me and smile. Then he would go back to his exploring. Finally, after awhile, his head tilted and he bent it down to my dick and kissed it lightly. Then he licked it. Then he took just the tip of it into his mouth. He let it stay there for just a minute, getting his first taste and smell of dick. He didn't pull away, but instead, took a little more in before looking up, waiting for my next move.

I walked around in front of him and pulled him up off the couch to a standing position. I kissed him again lightly on the cheek. Then I helped him undress. As I reached to unbutton his shirt, he blushed and pushed my hand away. I smiled and kissed his hand and then his lips and continued to unbutton his shirt. He let me. He was big, but not fat. In fact, what I had expected to be a mild turn off was a mild turn on. I had never been close to a body like Moose's. I looked forward to the rest of our love making. I kissed his breasts gently. He shivered and looked surprised that male breasts could be so sensitive. I sucked on each one. He let me.

Then it was on to his pants. Again he tightened a bit, so I waited before I unbuttoned his fly completely and let his pants slide to the floor. Then I slid is briefs down. There is some sort of myth that big guys have little dicks. Not Moose. Moose had an appendage to be proud of. It was about eight inches and was standing at attention. Moosie was blonde and so was his dick with a great purple mushroom head.

"Oh, Moosie, what a prize you have here."

He smiled as I knelt in front of him and took his hard penis into my mouth. I had learned from experience that each penis tastes just a little bit differently. Moose's dick was kind of sweet. It would be a good suck. I gave him a slow, gentle suck. I wanted his first one to be loving and not overly creative. I wanted him to get used to the feeling of a nice tongue and some firm lips sliding up and down his cock while a hand played with his balls. His were low hangers and fun to play around with. He moved around a little, but mostly just enjoyed the sensations, playing with my hair and rubbing my back. I was prepared to suck him for as long as he wanted, but he had other things in mind.

He pulled me to a standing position and leaned over to kiss me. I let him. He had taken charge. He then lifted me in his arms and stood me up on the couch where he could get to my dick without kneeling and started to suck me. He moaned as he took me into his mouth and cupped my balls in his hand. He was new at this, but it was fun to be the object of his exploration. He did everything possible with his lips and tongue. There was no place around my dick and balls that didn't get licked, sucked or chewed. A couple places got tickled, but I tried not to giggle. Then we kissed again.

I decided that Moose should get the full treatment, so I laid him down on the couch on his stomach and began to rim him. This seemed to be the most uncomfortable for him. This was a taboo that he almost could not break, but I whispered in his ear that it was all right and to relax, and gradually, he let me give him pleasure there. I knew that there was no way that he would reciprocate, even though I preferred some foreplay (aftplay?) before I was fucked, and I wanted him to cum as he fucked me.

I laid my body over the desk and gave Moose a condom to put on. He looked at me in a peculiar way as if he didn't know what I wanted him to do. So, I turned around, kissed the end of his penis, and rolled the condom on. Then, I turned around again and laid myself over the desk. I handed him a tube of lubrication. Now he knew, but I knew he was afraid he would hurt me.

"It's all right, Moose. I know what I'm doing. I'm good at it. I like it. You'll make me feel good. Now lube up and fuck me, big guy."

He smiled, and he did. He was so gentle and so careful that he almost couldn't get his dick in. I had to encourage him to push harder and harder until at last I opened up and he slipped in. Such a sigh came from his lips. I knew he didn't know what to expect or that a man's ass could feel so good. I started fucking him with my ass, and gradually he got into the motion too. Of course, as we all do, he let the feelings take over and soon was pounding my ass faster and faster, moaning and groaning and grunting his way to a fine orgasm. Faster and faster and faster he went until the all familiar plunge, freeze and pulse. With Moose, a whimper was added at the end as he began to shoot. I knew he was enjoying himself, and so was I. Moosie had me in a good place and, thank goodness, I had thought to put a towel down because I was spraying all over the couch.

We collapsed, and that part was a little painful because Moose was a big guy. We laid there for a bit.

"Well?" I asked.

"Well, what?"

"Well, you know."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, what?"

"I'm gay, little Willie. I'm real gay. In fact I'd like to be gay again real soon. You think we could be gay again before Tom wakes up?"

"I don't know, Moose, you were awful rough on me."

"Oh, was I, Willie? I'm sorry."

"No, Moose, I was kidding. In fact, for a first timer you were great."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, let's have a beer and decide what you want to do next time."

"Then we can do it again?"

"Absolutely."

"All right! You know, Willie?"

"Yeah, Moosie?"

"This being gay stuff isn't so bad after all."

Moose and I did it two more times that night and I was really glad when morning came and Tom woke up. I needed some rest. We told him what had happened and he was delighted and glad to take over the morning shift. I don't know what he and Moose did or how many times, but both of them slept all afternoon. After the sexual fun was over, Moose was going to have some life changing decisions to make. It would be tough, but I had faith that Moose would be able to handle it. Today would not be my day to bring up serious things, however. There would be time for that tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. Besides, I had to get supplies in for tonight, didn't I? We would get wasted again tonight and Tom and I could hardly wait to treat Moosie to his first three-way.